What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 02:18
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was seconnd youngest,
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why is there so much free porn on the internet?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I'm straight, so why do I love watching guys cum?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I write beautiful poetry .
Why do I smell bad even though I have good hygiene?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Ive learnt so much.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was very sick at this time too.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why did i forgive my father ?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What is the difference between Michael Corleone’s marriage to Apollonia Vitelli and Kay Adams?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Is dating in college necessary? Why and why not?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So, i spoilt her more .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Especially a lifetime of it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why is the world male-dominated?
But, we were locked up after school.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But it wasn’t much.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im still living with it.
When she asked me how she looked .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I never cut or harmed myself..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I couldn’t, believe it.
We all went to grammer schools
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I could never make a relationship work though!
She wouldn,t have been !
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We were not on the streets..
And i lived it daily.
My life is so biszare .
It was going to be , some day.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
What did i know ?
She loved him until the end.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was 9 years of age.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He knew the spot.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She found it foreign!.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One cannot live in the past .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Comes on , in middle age.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She married twice! .
I think the readers, may guess!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
This is soul school!.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Put me off passion for life!!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Who then, do I blame.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was scared of men, in general
I don,t even have a pension.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Would this be the day?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I waited trembling.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She was in good health!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I will be 64.
So whats the point in blame.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
All the time i was locked up.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I have no regrets .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I said to her
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But ive been too sick for many years..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My family never makes their pension either.